"But Matthew J!" I hear you say, "Cleanliness is important to reduce the danger of infectious bacteria!"

Yes. I realize that modern sanitation techniques are necessary, and indeed I take some measurable enjoyment out or proper personal hygiene, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about Tidy People.

Tidy People, who feel completed to arrange everything just so, who can't stand to see a pair of dirty sock in the middle of their floor, who would prefer to have things look nice then be functional.

Now I'll be the first to admit that I am not tidy at all. And of course it is only natural to fear and distrust anything that is different from myself. But that only one third of the reasons that I do not trust Tidy People.

Tidy People cannot be trust to get anything accomplished. Now you would think that would only endear me more to the tidy people, as I of course view Sloth as one of my favorite of the seven lively virtues. But the problem with Tidy People is that they refuse to admit they are lazy. They say, "Oh, I should really type up that report, but first I want to organize my workstation." But when they finish organizing their workstations, it is time to clock out. That report never gets finished. Busy people don't have time to be tidy. They are too busy getting actual work done.

Also, all Tidy People have something to hide. Think about it, what's the first thing you would do after committing murder? Oh don't pull that innocent act on me. You know you've thought about it. That's right, dispose of the evidence. In other words, you Tidy up the crime scene. And with all that DNA evidence they've got these days, you'd better do a pretty thorough job.

Now I'm not saying all Tidy People are homicidal psychopaths. Just...don't turn your back on them.