While on the whole I am a supporter of intellectual property rights, I have often thought that our current system is subject to abuse. For example, the copyright lobby seems to think that material should remain copy written for n+1 years, where n is equal to the amount of time elapsed since Mickey Mouse's first cartoon. Or if your more into patent law, there's patent 5,894,079, which covers all beans a particular shade of yellow (even though such beans existed long before the patent was applied for).

However, after a long struggle against such intellectual abuses, I've decided that if I can't beat them, I'd better join them. Thus I have recently filled patent for the automatic soap dispenser.

"That's great Matthew J. Hanson! I didn't know you'd invented the automatic soap dispenser!"

See, that’s where you're wrong. I didn't say I’d invented it. I just said I plan to patent it. But it's invention in inevitable.

"Inevitable? What makes you say that?"

Think about it. The soap dispenser is the weak link in today's touch free restroom. We have automatic toilets, automatic faucets, and automatic hand driers, but every time you reach for that cleansing liquid, you contaminate your hand with the germs of every person whose lain their filth ridden hands on the dispenser before you.

That's it's inevitable. And when that day comes, I want to be ready to cash in on somebody else’s hard work.