Having already answered the hotly debated question of Bagels vs. Donuts, I recently turned my attention to another classic dispute about which is better vomit (not to be confused with regurgitation) or dry heaves (also know as non-productive emesis).

To this end I recently infected myself with a 24-hour flu (which only lasted a disappointing 14 hours) and made a date with my ceramic companion to test this theory.

The main disadvantage of vomiting is that mess involved. This of course can be easily mitigated with ample warning and access to the proper receptacle. Even in the most idyllic circumstances it promotes a serious chilling effect to ones macro mobility. Case in point, during my experiment I found myself desirous to recline on my bed, however I could only remain there an hour or two as my bedroom did not contain the proper infrastructure for disposing noxious waste. Thus I acquired several couch cushions and consigned myself to a night on the bathroom floor.

That being said, I must say that while vomiting I at least felt as though I where being productive. Had I been recently poisoned, my vomit would have at least expurgated the offending chemicals from my body.

Not so with non-productive emesis. Though the body performs identical processes, there are not tangible results. While this might be preferable for a limited number of retchings, several hours it becomes a quantifiable nuisance.

Thus by the end of my study I can confidently claim that vomiting is a superior experience to dry heaves.