Dear Starbucks,

You suck.

The irony of this statement is that I am writing this from the inside of a Starbucks. Not entirely by choice. I am meeting somebody here in a few minutes. (A few minutes Matthew J time that is. By the time you read this, the meeting will be long since completed.)

As most of you are probably aware, I have recently moved into a new apartment. As you may or may not be aware, this new apartment currently does not have Internet access.

I know. I know. And no, this apartment is not in the middle of Antarctica, it is in the thriving metropolis of Minneapolis. Not only has this lack of Internet forced me to use archaic paper devices called "maps" (obviously named after Google Maps) it has also caused me to find other means to get my Internet fix, such as visiting libraries and coffee shops with wireless networks.

So I have this meeting at Starbucks any way, and I figure I might as well get there a little early and do some netting. I turn on my computer, and am pleased to find that there is in fact a wireless signal.

Pleased... until I open up my browser and discover that in order to use Starbuck’s Internet, I need to pay money to the good people at T-Mobile (who can also suck it).

In the end, this is just another reason why Starbucks is inferior to my new favorite coffee shop. Other reasons included location, better/cheaper/large portions of hot chocolate, atmosphere, and lower levels of potentially harmful radiation.